New Humor Piece: Tying the Interfaith Knot
I've got a new humor piece at Barnes & Noble imagining the world's most interfaith wedding ceremony.This excerpt makes more sense in context, but it's my favorite paragraph in the piece, so here it...
View ArticleThe iMop 5: Buckets Sold Separately
My latest on The Huffington Post. Presenting the iMop 5. First leaked on Washable.com. Perfect for social wetworking. And can clean up even the largest spills from the iMop FrappStore. Store all of...
View ArticleEntering The Academy
I've got a new piece on Barnes & Noble inspired by a conversation with a friend about the nursery school application process, which sounds TERRIBLE, but at least they don't make the two-year-olds...
View ArticleTemple Beth El Dorado
Matthew David Brozik and I put together a fictional synagogue bulletin that we're very proud of. If you've ever read a synagogue bulletin, and want to read one that is poking gentle, satirical fun at...
View ArticleBinders Literally Full of Actual Women
Over at The Huffington Post.... All about where Mitt Romney actually likes to store his women. Or something like that. If you watched the second presidential debate...Here's the link.
View ArticleHorses, Bayonets, Cannonballs, and Sharp, Pointy Rocks
I've got a new piece on The Huffington Post about the third presidential debate:NARRATOR: Fewer ships. Fewer horses. And more games downloaded from the iTunes app store by our military personnel than...
View ArticleA Friendly Change To Our Access Policy
I'm particularly proud of my newest humor piece, over at Feathertale, which posits a new solution to the problem of free riders on the Internet: a technology code-named FRANK, and actually named FRANK,...
View ArticleThank You For Being My Health Care Proxy
I've got a new piece on The Bygone Bureau satirizing the health care proxy. If no one else has satirized health care proxies... perhaps there's a good reason. Quick teaser:1. If I am conscious, but...
View ArticleCabin Pressure
Satirizing the airline safety lecture:Our Academy Award-winning crew, trained to act as if this flight meets all FAA safety regulations, is currently coming through the aisle, looking to ensure that...
View ArticleTemple Beth El Dorado is back for Chanukah
...with a brand-new parody synagogue bulletin, complete with an invite to the 18th Annual Chanukah Dinner-Dance, Torah Auction, Latke-palooza, and Hoop-of-Burning-Oil Children's Toss.Here's the...
View ArticleYour Workplace Holiday Party
My latest at Barnes & Noble, just in time for the holidays:Please enjoy this delicious spread of food paid for with the money that used to fund our health insurance plan. It might make you sick,...
View Article2013 eBook Preview
My latest at Barnes & Noble..."January 22 -- "Inside The Inauguration," an exhaustive, insider's look at Barack Obama's second Presidential inauguration, set to be published just twenty-four hours...
View ArticleWeather or Not
My latest, over at The Big Jewel, about The Weather Channel's purchase of Weather Underground and the nonsensification of weather reporting.“You know there are people out there just waiting for clouds...
View ArticleMy Girlfriend (A Manti Te'o Satire)
My latest on The Huffington Post... I met my girlfriend on Twitter. Our first date we stayed up half the night retweeting tweets and creating new hashtags.... We once stayed up all night on Facebook,...
View ArticleUncle Gets a Name
My latest adventure babysitting my 20-month-old niece, over at Kveller:I carefully coaxed her favorite stuffed animal of the moment, Mo the Cow (short for Mooey!), out of her hands and onto the table...
View ArticleFriends, Classmates, Donors
My latest at Barnes & Noble is an e-mail exchange between the head of fundraising for the 10th anniversary college reunion class and a guy who doesn't want to give a donation.If you've ever been...
View ArticleHow To Internet for Writers
I really like my latest piece on The Bygone Bureau, "How To Internet For Writers." "Welcome to How To Internet for Writers, our workshop on how you can most effectively use social media to promote...
View ArticleFrequently Asked Questions About Girl Scout Cookies
My latest at The Huffington Post:3. What parts of girls are used in the making of Girl Scout Cookies?Contrary to popular belief, Girl Scout Cookies do not currently contain any parts of actual girls....
View Article"My Grandmother Reviews The Medication At The Bottom of Her Purse"
My newest piece, over at theNewerYork's Electric Encyclopedia of Experimental Literature.The Round Blue One:“This one is very good. I think it may be for my memory, but I’m not sure. It might be for my...
View ArticleArtisanal Preservington, New York
My favorite thing I've written so far in 2013 is about hipsters moving to the suburbs, for the Barnes & Noble Review:"Every train is now a hybrid, and made mostly from corn. You just hop on board,...
View ArticlePardon the Construction
A new piece of mine on Splitsider... Pardon the Construction: Our Plastic Surgery Clinic is Undergoing a Face Lift:We'll be pulling the rug as tight as we can, and turning the walls a completely...
View ArticleAbout Our Serious News Magazine's Brand New Redesign, Yo.
My latest piece is on Medium, and it's about the future of journalism.In our very first issue, back in 1704, we pledged to engage our readers in spirited debate about the most critical issues of our...
View Article"I Have So Many People To Thank..."
A new piece on The Millions, about extra-long acknowledgments at the back of books...A book may have only one name on the cover, but in reality it is written by millions of people — or at least this...
View ArticlePlease Consider The Environment Before You Print This Humor Piece
Over on Medium, published on Earth Day.Please also consider the environment before you print it, throw it away, print it again, realize you already read it, throw it away, print it again, realize...
View ArticleBelly Rub
The New York Times ran a story a few weeks ago about the difficulty of finding pet-friendly apartments in NYC. My newest humor piece, at Barnes & Noble, looks at the issue from a dog's...
View ArticleGreetings from your Soon-to-be Realtor
There was a recent New York Times piece about realtors desperate to find vacant New York City apartments to sell. My latest piece imagines one of those realtors.How are you enjoying your high-speed...
View ArticleWork from H.O.M.E.
My newest at McSweeney's. Recall the Yahoo you-can't-work-from-home news from earlier this year. At this fictional company, you're not only permitted to work from home, but you MUST work from home....
View ArticleWelcome to the Thrifty Inn
My latest humor piece at Barnes & Noble is about a hotel where you probably don't want to stay:We care about our guests, and want to do everything we can to avoid the spread of cholera. On a...
View ArticleNon-GMO? Non-OMG!
I've got a new humor piece up at Medium about new food labels for the social media set. Are you being appropriately vigilant about what you're taking pictures of? #YOLO ("You Only Lunch Once")Here's...
View ArticleFrequently Asked Questions About Our Destination Wedding
My newest on Medium, for anyone who's ever been invited to a wedding that seemed like a bit too much of ordeal to attend. Q. The invitation just said 'August' and didn’t mention an exact date. When is...
View ArticleAn Important Security Update Regarding Your Microwave
My latest at Medium tackles the problem of hackers, from the point of view of someone who has no idea what hackers are.You may think you’re safe, but you’re probably not. No matter what you’re heating...
View Article[Intern, Give This Humor Piece A Title By Noon at the Latest]
A federal district court has ruled that unpaid internships violate the law unless they foster an educational environment and the employer does not receive benefit from the work. Hence, a brand-new...
View ArticleBrand New, Recently Renovated
On Barnes and Noble, a piece built off a New York Times article about parking spaces selling for half a million dollars up in Boston.Yes, of course it can serve as a bedroom, with the addition of a...
View ArticleThe Foie Gras Fountain is in Conference Room B
My latest on Medium is a spoof on startup culture...There are free movie tickets in a dispenser outside the People Management office, along with complimentary admission vouchers to nearby skate parks,...
View ArticleSex on Campus: Dear Mom
Over on Medium, I have a take on last week's New York Times piece about college women and sex. "Dear Mom: Guess what? I'm in The New York Times!"Mom, you taught me women can do anything — and we can,...
View ArticleBest Video Games of 1635
From a couple of weeks ago, on Medium:4. Foot Race 1K63XV The 1,635th installment in the long-running Foot Race series now features Greatest Feet Mode, where you can run with some of history’s fastest,...
View ArticleThe Anthony Weiner Crisis Management Consulting Firm Is Open for Business
My latest on Medium:5. Find the most sympathetic, trustworthy person in your circle of influence. Make her defend you with crazy justifications for whatever it is you did. The more ridiculous you can...
View ArticleOur Terrible Nanny is Available Starting Immediately
Today on McSweeney's:Are you looking for a nanny? Are you not particularly concerned about your child’s welfare? If so, our terrible nanny may be the perfect fit for you and your family. Trained in...
View ArticleThree Recent Pieces on Medium
I have three recent pieces on Medium...Novelist: The Video Game:Can you make the journey from your bed to your desk without getting sidetracked by the Trolls of Temptation? Oh, look, one very...
View ArticleThree More New Ones
A piece today on Barnes & Noble, satirizing the life of a humor writer.I'm even starting to franchise. I've put together a packet with the information someone needs to be a humor writer -- I...
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